Rewriting the Stories We Tell Ourselves: Identifying & Reframing Core Beliefs
Understanding Core Beliefs
Core beliefs shape the stories we tell ourselves, influencing how we view ourselves, our relationships, and the world around us. These deeply held beliefs are formed in childhood and reinforced by our lived experiences—through family, community, the education system, and even social media. Some beliefs serve as tools for self-growth and resilience, while others become barriers, keeping us stuck in patterns of self-sabotage and self-doubt that we may perceive as a form of self-preservation and protection.
Since core beliefs act as a lens, two people can have the same experience but interpret it in completely different ways in the way they think, feel, and behave. Our beliefs influence not only how we perceive experiences but also how we respond to them. Harmful beliefs can lead to persistent negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, whereas rational or positive beliefs foster more balanced and constructive responses.
As we navigate through life, we unconsciously seek out experiences that reinforce our existing beliefs—this is known as confirmation bias. If we believe we are unworthy, we may focus only on experiences that validate this belief, ignoring evidence to the contrary. Conversely, when we hold empowering beliefs, we are more likely to embrace new opportunities, relationships, and personal growth.
It’s crucial to know that core beliefs are not facts. They are learned perspectives shaped by our past and present experiences. And because they are learned, they can also be unlearned and reframed.
How Negative Core Beliefs Impact Us
These negative beliefs don’t just stay in our minds — they influence our lifestyle.
Some common negative core beliefs include:
- “I am not good enough.”
- “I am a failure.”
- “I am not considered.”
- “I am not worthy.”
- “I am unlovable.”
- “People can’t be trusted.”
- “I will always be abandoned.”
They can lead to:
- Depression & Anxiety
- Low self-esteem & confidence
- Stress
- Substance use
- Difficulty trusting others
- Feeling inadequate in relationships
- Overly defensive, confrontational, or aggressive behavior
- Constantly putting others’ needs before your own
When we recognize that we have made our negative beliefs self-fulfilling prophecies, we must approach ourselves with gentleness, grace, and compassion. It’s important to challenge and reshape them — creating a new universe.
How to Work on Your Negative Thoughts & Reframe Core Beliefs
Step 1: Identify Your Core Beliefs
Core beliefs are deeply held ideas about ourselves, others, and the world. They often manifest from childhood and unconsciously influence our thoughts and behaviors even if they are false.
Ask Yourself:
- What are the recurring negative thoughts I have about myself, in relationships, and at work?
- How have these beliefs influenced my self-esteem or interpersonal relationships—family, friendships, dating patterns, or colleagues?
Journal Prompt:
Write down the 2-3 negative beliefs you hold about yourself. Where do you think these beliefs originated? (Consider childhood experiences, past relationships, cultural influences, etc.)
Step 2: Recognizing Your Thinking Patterns
Negative core beliefs often show up in distorted thinking patterns that make our self-doubt feel real.
Common Cognitive Distortions:
- All-or-Nothing Thinking: “If I’m not perfect, I’m a failure.”
- Mind Reading: “They didn’t text back, so they must be upset with me.”
- Catastrophizing: “Nobody ever considers my feelings and this won’t change. I’ll never have meaningful relationships because people will always overlook my needs.”
- Personalization: “Every time someone pulls away or cancels plans, it must be because I did something wrong. If a relationship ends, it’s always my fault—I must not be good enough to keep people in my life.”
- Overgeneralization: “People can’t be trusted.”
Journal Prompts:
Which of these thinking patterns or themes do you notice in yourself?
Identify a recent situation where you fell into one of these distortions. What was the outcome?
Step 3: Gathering Evidence to Challenge the Belief
Once we identify our core beliefs and thinking patterns, the next step is challenging their validity.
Ask Yourself:
- Think of a past experience that contradicts this belief. What happened?
Journal Prompt:
Reflect on this time when the negative belief didn’t match your reality. What evidence did you gather to contradict it?
Step 4: Challenging & Reframing Your Thoughts
Once we recognize negative thoughts and thinking patterns, we can challenge them by asking: Is this true? (i.e. fact-checking)
The Thought Reframe Process:
- Write down the negative belief. (e.g., “I’m unlovable.”)
- Find evidence for and against it. (e.g., “I have friends and family who care about me.”)
- Reframe the belief into something more balanced and neutral. (e.g., “I am capable of love and connection.”)
Journal Prompts:
Take one negative belief and challenge it using the steps above. What new belief did you create that is more balanced, neutral, and empowering?
How does it feel to embrace this new belief?
Step 5: Future-Oriented Mindset Shift
Now that you’re beginning to challenge and reframe your beliefs, it’s time to create a vision for the future that aligns with your growth.
Ask Yourself:
- What kind of person do I want to be or more of for myself, in my relationships, and at work?
- What new qualities and traits would I like to cultivate?
- What boundaries can I set to support my growth and self-worth with myself, friends, family, and at work moving forward?
Journal Prompts:
Visualize the person you want to be — Consider how you feel? How do you think? Engage with others? And navigate challenges and resolve conflict? What does this version of you value, and how do you prioritize your well-being?
Step 6: Strengthening New, Healthy Beliefs
Reframing is just the beginning—building new beliefs takes practice!
Daily practices to reinforce healthier beliefs:
✨ Affirmations: “I am worthy of love and respect.”
✨ Mindfulness exercises with themes of self-compassion
✨ Surround yourself with people who empower and challenge your old thinking patterns, beliefs, and behaviors
Journal Prompts:
What small actions can you take daily to reinforce healthier, balanced beliefs?
How can you remind yourself of these beliefs throughout your day?
Conclusion
You are not your thoughts or your beliefs. The key to transformation lies in identifying which beliefs serve you and which ones hold you back from growth. By challenging limiting core beliefs, you create space to rewrite your story in alignment with who you are and the person you hope to become. As a kind reminder, the process of evolution in life is a journey, not a destination. Foundational change takes time, work, and every step you take toward reframing your beliefs is a step toward living a more authentic, empowered, and fulfilling life. There will be setbacks and missteps along the way. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you continue this journey of self-discovery and healing.